A Cleveland Brown Christmas-Animated Critic Holiday Special

Show: The Cleveland Show

Episode Title: A Cleveland Brown Christmas

Air Date: December 13th 2009

Season 1

Episode 9

*Warning: Some of the content of in this blog post may be inappropriate for some audiences. Viewer discretion is advised*
*And yes I do know this is a very late Christmas special. I'm sorry.*

Merry Christmas everyone. 

What about Hanukkah or Kwanzaa

OK Kevin, Happy Holidays everyone.

That's better

The Holidays are upon us. Whatever holiday you celebrate it's time to get into the spirit of the season. Personally I celebrate Christmas. I love Christmas. Love it love it love it. I just love the spirit of this holiday and getting to spend time with your loved ones. 

Anyway I'm here to review a holiday Special for you. Specifically the first Cleveland Show special. Remember how much I hate Family Guy.

This show is a more tolerable spin-off to Family Guy. Yes I prefer the Cleveland Show to Family Guy. At least modern Family Guy anyway. Its still an awful show though. And this holiday special. My god. I remember watching it for the first time. I didn't think it was the best but it wasn't that bad. I re-watched it just recently and my god. It was bad. Real bad. It is probably the worst Christmas episode of any Seth McFarlane show.

But whatever. You wanna see why it's so bad. Well don't say I didn't warn you.

Let's dive right into A Cleveland Brown Christmas.

The episode starts out with Cleveland singing Here Comes Santa Claus. 

We also get a slide show of sorts reminiscent of the openings used for Family Guy's Road To series. 

Also Meg makes a cameo.

Glad to see that even outside of Family Guy Meg still can't catch a break. I never got to talk much about the abuse Meg receives in Family Guy but hopefully in the near future I will. She's kinda like the show's  Squidward in a way. 

But either way it's a cool opening. Probably one of the only good things about this episide besides one or two good jokes. 

The episode actually starts out at a Christmas Tree sale where Cleveland's neighbors are well.....selling Christmas trees. The wife says something along the lines of "Don't let your neighbors think you're a Muslim" 

Wow only 5 seconds into the actual episode and I'm already ticked off. Congratulations. 

You're probably gonna hear me say this slot but...THIS IS NOT FUNNY. 

Anyway we then see Cleveland and his wife Donna. They found a tree and then start making bad sex jokes. 

The tree has a big behind and a bushy front just how Cleveland likes it. I mean it ,that's how they describe the tree. It gets worse as Cleveland slaps the tree while singing Baby Got Back.

Sometimes I wish I was making this stuff up. Anyway Rallo appears to say he picks the trees. Apparently ever since his dad left Donna has let Rallo chose the trees. 

Rallo chooses a very small tree.

Cleveland tries to smack it's behind but it does nothing for him. He then said he feels ridiculous smacking it cause of how tiny it is. Which I well admit is kinda funny. But what's not funny is when he compares the tree to a little boy, and then an Asian boy, and then a little asian boy. 

Yay stereotypes. Boy, my favorite. 

Rallo says Cleveland is nothing compared to his dad as his dad is working with the FBI. 

In reality his dad is a freeloading bum. Donna later reveals that Rallo's dad started the lie and Donna just rolled with it. 

She says she'll tell him when he's older.

I understand sometimes kids need to be lied to as the truth could ruin their perception of things but really it probably would be best to tell him soon as when he finds out you lied to him he's gonna get even more ticked off. We then get a dumb cutaway gag. Since it's a Family Guy spin-off cutaways are expected. I feel the same way about these as I do the ones in Family Guy. They are dumb and stupid. However thankfully there are considerably less in this show (I think this episode only has 2 or 3 where an episode of Family Guy has way way more) so they are not as obnoxious.

This particular one involves the dude from Entourage.

Which dude? I don't know. I've never seen Entourage. But I still don't think I would've found this very funny even if I did know who he was as its pretty much just Cleveland insulting his body and saying he's ugly. What a douche. 

Any way we then cut to a party. It's Cleveland's boss's party.

Rallo asks if he's a gay. Cleveland says yes he is a gay. That's exactly how they said it. They called him A Gay. Like how they would describe a different creature, one who is not human. The boss shows up and if there's one thing I will praise it's that he's not a gay stereotype. He has moments of it withen the show but for the most part he's not a gay stereotype. I say this cause Seth McFarlane portrays all gay people the same way. Stereotypically. All his gay characters are stereotypes. ALL OF THEM. It gets really bad when you watch episodes like Family Gay from Family Guy (which I will cover eventually) I guess the only exception is this character and Herbert The Pervert. But the latter's a pedophile as well so........ 

Speaking of which the gay boss comes out with a wife and Cleveland says this is gonna be more interesting than the last homosexual's Christmas party he was at. Cut to Herbert the Pervert singing Silent Night to a bunch of little kids.

Don't know why Cleveland is there since he's an adult and all, but other than that this is very.....very creppy. Anyway the boss ask Cleveland to play Santa Claus as the dude who usually does it hung himself. He apparently raped a bunch of people but not just any people, he raped old ladies. 

I.......uh.......hamana........I have no words.

Same here but unfortunately we're not even halfway through this episode. Heck we're not even halfway to the halfway mark. 

And yes in case you're wondering that raping old ladies thing was played for laughs. 

So Cleveland pretends to be Santa. He even gets to ride a reindeer.

This leads to a plot that's completely pointless. The daughter whatever the crap her name is (she's just a cliched teen character anyway so I don't care) sees the reindeer and ask the boss's 'wife' if it's real. She says yes. The daughter then makes a comment about how it's just prop to be brought out once a year during the Christmas party. Then we actually get a funny line from the boss's wife about how she wonders what that feels like. Of course she's being very sarcastic as she says it. He daughter decides to free the reindeer so she does. Well actually Cleveland Jr. does while the daughter records it. 

The reindeer proceeds to then beat Jr. up. 

It works as Jr. doesn't really show any signs of being in to much pain. He's in enough pain to make it still work as slapstick but not enough to make it just seem cruel and unfunny. So basically it doesn't go too far. 

But yeah the reindeer is free. That scene was useless ,but the reindeer will return a few times. It's this episodes running gag. A lot of the jokes with him aren't really worth mentioning. There are a few though that are ,but none of them are really that funny. 

Back to Cleveland being Santa. Rallo sits on Santa's lap and after asking for a slinky starts insulting Cleveland as obviously he doesn't know Cleveland is Santa. One thing I need to note is how much Cleveland does actually care for his family. There are some clear signs of this in this episode. Unlike say Peter Griffin.

You can tell he's very happy to have Rallo sit on his lap (out of context that sounds very wrong. You know what I'm saying though right. He's happy to be doing this for Rallo.)

Any way Cleveland gets understandably upset when Rallo starts insulting him. And gets very annoyed.(I have to admit the line Rallo has where he says Cleveland straight up sucks actually got a laugh outta me. The delivery of the line was just so good. Bravo to the voice actor) Cleveland ask for one of the waiters to give him a whole tray of drinks. Something that I could really use right about now. Unfortunately I'm underage so I can't use the powers of alcohol to help me out. Cleveland drinks so much he gets drunk and tells Rallo that his dad is not an FBI agent and that in reality his dads a bum.

Obviously Rallo is upset. Understandable as he really looked up to his dad and now he knows everything he knows about him is wrong. It's actually pretty relateable. 

That's the thing about this special. The characters are good. They're actually likeable and have personality. But there are so many moments that just bog the entire thing down. Maybe its not as bad as I was making it out to be earlier. Was I being to hard? Overly negative?

I don't know were you. That's really for you decide. How truly mad are you at this episode.

I....I don't know. It does some things right but......am I just focusing on the negatives. Am I being fair. 

This is a problem every reviewer faces. What's fair and what's not. Am I giving whatever I'm reviewing a fair shot. Really Evan that's for you to decide. Your biggest critic is you. 

It's just I wanna be fair to everything. Give honest opinions. Are the bad jokes really bad enough to ruin this episode. The story it's trying to tell. The great characters it's created. How do I know if I'm being fair. How do I know I'm doing this whole critiquing thing right. 

The only thing you're not reviewing fairly is yourself. You're doing fine. You will make mistakes along the way. Big ones. You can't get down about every little imperfection about you. Get over your mistakes and move on. Why do you review animation?

Because I love it. 

It tells beautiful stories, funny stories, with likable characters and some truly touching moments. That's why I wanna give it the attention it deserves and review these things right.

You are doing great Evan. No need to be so hard on yourself. You're not even halfway through the episode yet. Keep watching and see if you're really being unfair.

OK, whatever you say. 

We cut back to the house as Donna tries to calm Rallo. Cleveland admits he screwed up but he's drunk while doing it so he's really not making a good case for himself. We then see all the trouble the family went through to keep the lie going. 

That includes fake post cards, and having the daughter call Rallo while imitating the father's voice. 

Donna says the family loves Rallo very much and then just leaves. Leaving Rallo in his thoughts. 

She doesn't stay to talk about the fact that everything he knows about his father is a lie. She doesn't help him recuperate. She just leaves. Like screw you Rallo I'm outta here. 

We then cut to a church where apparently some kind of Christmas special pageant type thing is going one. Also we get a great brick joke as Fred Peterson (the old lady raper) is referenced again. 

Though it does beg the question why are they having a memorial service for a person who raped a bunch of people. 

Anyway we see some people perform the song Gloria.

It's definitely something alright.

And then Rallo comes up on stage with a letter to Santa that he's gonna read out loud. It pretty much says "Dear Santa, F*** You"

And then he walks away.

Someone then says "that's what happens when you let a Jew host a Christmas pageant" OK are we gonna make bad jokes about any other religion. Can we just get a law that says Seth McFarlane can never mention any religion ever again. Because in recent years every religion joke he makes just fails. Good thing there's not an entire episode made for the purpose of making fun of religious beliefs.

Uhhhhh......

What?

What about Not All Dogs Go...

La la la la la la la la I can't hear you la la la la la la la la 

But we're typing. Like online, you know what screw it. 

Any way after that Cleveland realizes that Rallo hates Christmas because of what he did. So Cleveland vows to make it up to him. He decides to take Rallo to the mall. 

It didn't end well. 

Rallo had the idea to tie a toy Santa to the toy train tracks and yeah.....you see the damage.

We then get a dumb gag with news men figurines that goes on way to long.

We then cut to the bar where Cleveland's friends hang out. Kinda like the one in Family Guy. You know maybe this show failed because of how many fricking similarities to Family Guy there are. Like seriously couldn't do anything even the tiniest but original when it comes to the concept of this show. Like lets think about this. 

Donna=A more likeable Lois

Junior=A more child like Chris 

Rallo=Stewie minus the cool gadgets. 

They also reuse some plotlines from Family Guy occasionally. 

Either way the talking bear (yes there's a talking bear) says Rallo's taking his frustrations out on Christmas and the only way to make him feel better is to find his dad. AI Cleveland decides to do just that. 

Back at home we see Cleveland having what AI have to admit is a pretty nice sweet talk with his kid, while he creepily rubs his face. 

He then starts insulting Jr. 

Isn't a grown adult insulting his own son just so funny. 

No......it's actually rather terrible. 

So Cleveland leaves the house but Donna doesn't want him to go. So she does the most sensible thing and tazes him. What else would you do in this situation. He then farts while passed out. Charming. 

When Cleveland wakes up 30 minutes later he says he has to do this. Donna says though that no one has been able to track down Rallo's father for months. 

Cleveland is still determined on going though. Then....*sigh* we get a scene with bear sex. I.....I really wish I was making that up. But unfortunately I am not

MERRY FRICKING CHRISTMAS EVERYONE. WE ALL KNOW BEAR SEX IS WHAT YOU WANNA SEE IN YOUR HOLIDAY SPECIAL. YOURS TRULY FAMILY GUY....I MEAN UH...THE CLEVELAND SHOW.

I don't see how this is funny. It's....it's dumb. 

It's also not an image I wanted to see. Two bears screwing and a fricking reindeer clopping off to them. And boy is that reindeer bad at peeping. 

It's a really pointless moment as well. Why, why did we need to see this. 

Are you beginning to feel you're being to hard on this episode now?

No, I'm not. In fact I feel like I'm going to easy on it.

Either way Cleveland begins looking around for Rallo's dad. He goes to the morgue first and starts playing around with the dead bodies.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Real funny guys (sarcasm)

I'm totally sure that that's how that person wanted his dead body to be treated when he died. At least it's not Drawn Together The Movie

Yes he is making out with a dead body. 

Cleveland eventually finds a strip club and goes in. What do you know Rallo's dad is in there. Great let's get this episode over with.

Cleveland gives a heart felt speech about how the best present he can give to Rallo is being present (see what he did there.) but it really doesn't seem to win Rallo's dad over. He leaves the club then Cleveland calls one of the prostitutes a whore blah blah blah. Almost over. 

The next day is Christmas. Rallo is still not in the festive spirit even though he got that slinky he wanted. How can you be mad when you have a slinky. 

Slinkies are fricking awesome. If that doesn't cheer him up nothing will man. Nothing. 

Cleveland attempts to cheer him up anyway by dressing up as Santa and bringing in the Christmas tree Rallo wanted at the beginning of the episode. 

Rallo just burns it though. 

Then Rallo's dad comes in dressed as Santa as well.

Rallo is confused but his dad later reveals himself. Saying that he learned that he should see his "sperms" on Christmas. That's exactly how he puts it. 

Rallo ask why he lied about being an FBI agent and his dad says he wanted to hide the truth from Rallo. 

Oh no not the truth about the fact he's a bum. No he lies to Rallo again telling him he's actually Santa Claus. Really? And everyone just goes with it. 

So you know what this whole plot accomplished. Nothing. All it managed to do was have Rallo's dad come up with a new lie. Why didn't you just tell him the truth. I actually could've led to a heartwarming moment. But whatever. Rallo's just gonna get twice as ticked when he finds out you guys lied again. This plot accomplished nothing. It was pointless completely pointless. I wasted 22 minutes sitting through all this slog. 

The episode finally ends with.........I......no I'm not even gonna say how this episode ends. It just so horrid........*sigh*.........fine you win. It ends with the real Santa making a racist comment (there's atleast one per episode.) 

And then the reindeer from earlier comes by and.......ugh....can't believe I'm saying this. It comes by and rapes Santa Claus. 

I really wish I didn't see that. 

Why, why what was the point.

This was awful it was all awful. The plot led to absolutely no where. There were only 1 2 or 3 funny jokes in the entire thing. 

The rest of the joke are god awful and make hate comedy with jokes about old lady rape and Santa rape and ugh......it's bad real bad. It has positives though. 

The characters are likeable and it's actually kinda heart warming to see Cleveland go through all that trouble for Rallo's sake (a person that straight up hates him)

So yes those things bring the rating up. I also well admit it wasn't obnoxiously bad like Good Neighbors. I can definitely see why I considered this an OK episode at one point. However now I hate this episode. Not the worse but still not good. If a few more jokes were funny or of the episode wasn't just a pointless waste of time and actually had a plot that went somewhere maybe it would get a passing grade (a 5/10 or higher) but I'm gonna give it a 

4/10

Best Part-The Boss's wife line about how she feels like a prop that's only pulled out once a year.

Worst Part-Either bear sex or reindeer rape.

Evan, see you did a good job being fair. You looked at both the positive and negative aspects before making up your mind about the score. If that's not fair I don't know what is.

Thanks Kevin. It's just I've been having a bit of what I guess you would call a creator breakdown. I've been worried about how well I'm actually doing. Giving entertaining, honest, fair reviews. I've been worried I'm not doing so good, but I wanna do good. I am very passionate about this blog. 

But doing this review and having you help me out has really fixed my qualms. I'm not worried anymore. I can always improve for sure but I am no longer worried I'm doing a bad job. 

As I said Evan you are your biggest critic. You will screw up do something your ashamed of someday but you gotta move on and improve from those experiences. You can't get down over every little flaw. And you're being so hard on yourself your making up flaws in your head that don't even really exist.

Ha I guess your right there is nothing to be worried about. I'm doing fine. I may have people out there who would disagree but as long as I'm doing good in my own eyes and as long as I have people reading this blog I'm not gonna get down or give up in fact I'm more pumped than ever to make more reviews.

Thanks Kevin. I may seem annoyed by you sometimes but you have honestly helped me. 

Oh, uh, why thank you. I do wonder though Evan why are you so passionate about this blog. I know you love animation but is there a deeper reason.

It's because.....I'm not that good at much else. Analyzing things I love and hate is pretty much one of the few things I think I can do good. Heck there are times when I do doubt my skills in even doing that. My grades at school are mostly Ds and Cs with only the occasional B.

I suck at all athletics. Don't have secret talents like drawing, singing or dancing. Reviewing things is pretty much one of the things I feel like I can do right. 

Discussion things I both love and despise. 

It sounds dumb I know but it's how I feel. 

Well....I wish I could help you there. But as long as you're happy where you are at now I'm fine.

Yes I'm very happy where I'm at now. Thank you.

Thank you for being with me. And being there for me. 

Well this is probably gonna be the last blog post of 2015. Man what a year it was. 

I have any great things planned for 2016 though including (but not limited to)

2 new Animated Critic episodes per month (that's 24 episodes per year) 

Starting with The Finger (Harvey Beaks)

Also including 

The Sum of His Parts (Teen Titans)

On The Run (Steven Universe)

The Legend of The Titan 

And Every Man's Dream (The Simpsons)

Anime Critic will be starting

Withen Anime Critic I plan to review

All episodes of Madoka Magica

Full metal Alchemist

As well as others. 

Animated Critic The Show wil start with a review of Home Sweet Rubble from Spongebob 

More Quick Thoughts (Maybe I'll do one that's not over Steven Universe)

Powerpuff Girls Marathon

I will review

2 episodes of the Original series

The special Dance Pantsed 

An episode of the Anime series

All leading up to my review of the revival 

(I plan to have this marathon happen on the week of the revivals premiere)

And the year will kick-start with my first anime review which will be that Tokyo Ghoul review I've been promising since October.

Thank you all for an amazing year and I will see you all in 2016 with that said my name is Evan A.K.A The Animated Critic

Peace.